You saw the way he was beaming at her--as she carried his baby carefully against her chest. She didn't even catch his glance, her husband's proud gaze. But you did.
And something shifted in your heart.
And you wish you could give this gift to your husband. The gift of children.
The gift of being a dad.
Because you've seen the way he makes kids laugh. You've seen the the boyish grin on his face, and the delight in his eyes.
And you know, he'd be good at it.
But there's a chasm. It feels as wide as the ocean. Between what you want to give him--and what you can give him.
You wish you could give him the world.
Or just, one child.
"He deserves to be a dad," your heart whispers.
"If it wasn't for me.."
"If he had married someone else..."
"If my body could carry a child..."
"If I were different..."
Maybe he would be a dad.
Oh, sweet sister. These whispers are not from God. They are not from the Holy One. Who formed you and created you in your mother's womb.
These whispers are from Satan.
It's not your fault he's not a dad.
It's not. Okay?
You can't give your husband children.
Do you know why? Because...
Only God can.
The pressure is not on you sweet girl. It is not your burden to carry.
It never was.
God is the giver of life.
He gives life.
"The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it.
The world and all its people belong to him.
For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas
and built it on the ocean depths." Psalm 24:1-2 NLT
Your friend with the kids--she didn't give those kids to her husband.
No one has the power to give children anyone. We are not given this ability.
Every baby born is only born because God has created this life. And anyone who has the incredible gift of children, the incredible gift of being a mom, or a dad, is only because God has given it.
I know, because I have been there. Where you are. I have cried into my husband's chest. I have said those words through tears, "I'm sorry I can't give you children."
But I see now, that I never could.
Today, we have two beautiful children. Selah, who is 4, and Jesse, who is 6 months. They are precious, precious gifts. And my husband is a tremendous father today.
But I didn't give him those babies.
He is the Giver. The only one.
"Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3 (NLT)
So look to Him. And cry out to Him. And wait on Him.
And as you wait, dear one, don't apologize to your husband for something that isn't your fault. Because it isn't.
The pressure is not on you. This is not your burden to carry. Nor your husband's.
It's God's. He is the burden-bearer.
And He is the giver of life. The only one.
"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it.
The world and all it's people belong to Him. " Psalm 24:1
Even you. And even him.